Do You See Me?

Powerful reading and watching for the week for this last week's lesson.

I chose do you see me because of Powell's piece titled "Listening to Ghosts"......for example when you read a history piece....do you see the real events in history...or do you see the undercurrents of what might have really happened?

Also as a little girl I was conflicted with who I was and who I thought I should be. While most of my female family members that were my age were blond hair and blue eyed.... I got the indian genes.....my great grandmother would catch me looking in the mirror and looking at my cousins and see my uncheerful and sad expression and ask me what was wrong? I told her I was not pretty like the other girls in our family....

That was when my great grandmother took me into her lap (I was 5) and told me the story of the night my mother was born...our family heritage...and the nickname she gave my mother the night she was born and the same one she gave me when I was born as well. Papoose....that was the nickname for my mother and I by our mema....that was her nickname as a baby as well......only a few of us out a 30 grandchildren were born with the dark coloring and eyes. I listened with pride of the stories of our ancestors that resided in Oklahoma.... that came to Texas in the late 1800's..... trail of tears and other things.

In my early years do you see me had another meaning due to my heritage. In my teenage years and the rest of my life it grew to take on another meaning. Being queer, being of Native American heritage, and growing up the way I did as a preachers daughter.....I grew up in a world filled with fire and brimstone if I didnt tow the line.

So now when someone says they know me well, and they know my orientation....I ask them the question "yes, but do you really see me?"

So i can identify with Riggs and his piece of showing who he was, within his culture, within his culture with our LGBT experience.....we all come together from different angles with our approaches to life, our questions as to why and what happened ....we formulate our own theories.

Per Duncan......Per Moraga.......Duncan internalized her mothers illness to the point that it became her own...her mother's oppresion being brought to the united states as a war bride, raising two little girls within the Western Culture when she wanted them to have a piece of herself........Duncan is feeling it seems as if torn between two worlds...that of her beloved mother and her patriarchial father.

As far as Moraga? Her mother took her frustrations out on her children to the point that they suffered from her frustrations with the father......that is all their is to say about that.

So when I met "her" a year ago.........and I first felt "her" in my direct gaze...I got to know her months later....I asked her the other week for the first time....."do you see me...the real me?"

And to my surprise she said yes back to me........

wendi